Weekly Focus Tip--The New, Improved "Star Chart"

“Star” Charts, as my kids call them, are nothing new.  Teachers have been known to use a similar format as a “behavior chart” for classes or individuals, depending on the type of classroom.  When first introduced, they were meant as a positive reinforcement tool for behavior modification.  Instead of giving a negative consequence for a negative behavior, the idea is to give a positive reward for a positive behavior and, as some people do get in a habit of appreciating negative attention, attention is not given toward the negative behavior.  When a person earns enough “stars” on the chart (or “smiley faces” or whatever token is chosen to use), the person can then receive an award.  In classrooms this type of reward system can be used for individuals on a weekly or even a daily basis.  The earned reward system works best if the reward is something that the person has chosen for himself.

Beware the Uncool Lunch Box Note

Every year, Hallmark runs a television commercial in which a girl, sitting at the school lunch table, opens her lunchbox and pulls out a card given to her by her mother.  The girl reads the card, smiles, and sighs.  All is right with the world.  The pressures of school are no more for her—her mother gave her a surprise card.  This was my inspiration yesterday for lunch box notes.  I wrote We love you for being YOU! and We’re so proud of you!, then I folded the little messages and slipped them into each of my children’s lunch boxes.  I will surprise them and make their day, today! I thought.  Maybe I’d get a little bit of embarrassed backlash or an eyeroll from my high-schooler, so I knew this was risky, but worthwhile to let him know I care.  Maybe my middle schoolers wouldn’t say anything about it, too, but would still appreciate it.  My elementary schooler, I was sure, would love it. 

Later, once my kids came home from school, I waited to hear something, anything, about their reception of the lunch box notes.  It wasn’t until I was driving in the car with my elementary school child, that I heard, “Why did you put that note in my lunch box today?”  His voice was almost a whisper. 

“Because I love you!” I said.  “Were you surprised?!”  I cannot hide the excitement in my voice.  I knew he would notice! 

“Well,” said my youngest son, “can you not do that again?”  His voice quivered with emotion.  “I didn’t know what that piece of paper was and so I unfolded it and I read it out loud.”  His voice starts to crack as he tries to keep his composure.  “Everyone laughed.  I was so embarrassed!” 

I must be the most awful mom in the entire world.  How could I not think about what the other kids would say at the lunch table?  “I’m so sorry!”  I said.  “What happened?” 

“Well, everyone was laughing so loud that the principal came over to my table and had to yell at them not to laugh at me.  She said that if they didn’t stop, she would have to assign them lunch detention!” 

“Oh, no!  I’m so sorry, honey,”  I said.  “I promise, I won’t ever do it again.”  I repeat this over and over to him as he chokes back tears in the back seat. 

 “Okay,” he said. 

Did all the kids feel like this? I wondered.  Once home, I cornered my middle school son.  “Did you get your lunch box note today?” I said.

Meal and a Movie Night

This was my daughter's week to pick a family activity so she created "Meal and a Movie Night".  Her idea was for each family member to find a recipe, make it, and share it with the family as a special meal.  Then, we'd all watch a movie!  Throughout the week, we each picked out a recipe, wrote down the ingredients on a shopping list, and then we went shopping for the ingredients together. 

Although it was difficult timing and coordinating each recipe in the kitchen, everyone agreed that this was one of the most fun activities we've done as a family--and we never left the house.  My daughter chose to try a Paula Deen recipe from Food Network magazine called "Sweet Potato Bisquits".  As usual, she added her own flair, adding cheese to half of the recipe just to see how that would work, and she made them free-form rather than rolled out and cut. 

Family Meeting #3--(Day 16)

This week was a change as the kids actually begged for the family meeting.  We had so many interruptions during the weekend that we ended up having our family meeting during dinner, but that worked out well as we decided on pizza (a favorite, rare dinner—YUM!).  Although we need a lot of practice communicating, it seems like we are accomplishing something…though I’m not sure what!  We are almost done working on our actions and consequences board.  Also, we reviewed upcoming weekly responsibilities for school and work—so that everyone knows “what’s going on”, and we added a new part to our discussion of individual achievements and family achievements—we each had to say something we liked about one another.  This worked really very well.  I think it’s a “keeper”!

"...and remember not to take others for 'granite'"--Anonymous student writer

Last week, I participated as a judge for the annual Veteran’s Day Essay contest.  I look forward to this every year because it involves listening to the words of both the young and the young-at-heart.  One evening a year, the judges for the contest  meet at the VFW and sit at large round tables reading essays from children.  This year, we had over 500 essays to read and narrow down to just a few winners.  These children are then visited at school and surprised with an award in front of all their peers. 

I am the youngest person in the room.  When one of my parents’ dear friends gradually lost his eye sight, I was offered the honor to take his place to read and score the essays.  He has now since passed away but I still go each year, sit in his chair, and read for him.  It is a quiet evening for me, a once-a-year evening when I sit, listen, and see people that I haven’t seen since last November.  Several people in the room are parents of my childhood classmates, so when they walk in the door and I hear their voices, it triggers many wonderful memories of when I grew up, went to school, went trick-or-treating or holiday caroling.  It’s funny how that is, isn’t it?  How just the timber of someone’s voice can bring you back in time.

It's Called "If You Can't Find Your Bathing Suit, You Can't Go Swimming!"

Grandma is coming to visit!

...or otherwise titled "I Cleaned And Now I Can't Find Anything!"  So, we did a lot of cleaning this past weekend (i.e. my Big Fall Clean or the BFC as I fondly refer to it) to get ready for friends and relatives to gather at our house during the holidays (my favorite part of the holidays)--including my grandmother, who is also known by some as great-grandmother, and by others as great-great-grandmother (I'm so excited!). However, today is my swim practice and I cannot find my bathing suit ANYWHERE!  I'm sure I put it somewhere where I wouldn't lose track of it and guess what...it's gone.  The one lesson I'm learning with this year's Big Fall Clean is that we need some serious organizational help.  The problem has to be admitted before an answer can be found, correct?!  Anyhow, we did get the two main rooms painted a warm, dusted, and curtains washed (my grandmother's pet peeve--dirty curtains).

(This post is also filed under "Just Put It In A Box").

Book Review--Building Family Communication

         Building Family Communication (Family Matters) by J. Denis Mercier and Waln K. Brown for the William Gladden Foundation is a quick read. It is a small book of approximately 45 pages which gives a succinct overview as to why communication is such an important tool for families--and the best way to begin strengthening your family. As they state in their forward, “Despite all its power and strength, the family unit remains one of the most vulnerable human connections….Building family communication is the classic ‘win/win’ situation: every member of the family is more secure with one another and ready to deal with the world outside.” The book answers such questions as “How Does A Family Build Communication?” in short, one or two paragraph responses that give a quick overview and perhaps a few examples.